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Changes. I'm Lutheran...we don't like changes. Just ask Garrison Keillor! I love that man's humor!! OK I'm getting off the subject here. That's because I don't like change and there certainly has been a lot of change in my life in recent years!! I've uprooted myself and moved across country once again. Only this time I know people...or do I?? They say you never can go back...take my word for it, it's true! It's definately not the same. It has definately changed...maybe it's me. What? I've changed? How can that be? I'm still me, aren't I???

Recently, one of my best friends told me that she doesn't like the new me. Huh? The new me? What is she talking about? My caregiver talks about my "new normal".  My new what? Have people lost their minds?? Have I really changed?

OK, I do understand my new normal. It's my physical self...I have no strength, no immune system, my system has a very fine balance. But when talking about my personality, I didn't realize that had changed too. I guess brain trauma and post traumatic stress does affect one's personality. Gosh, if I've offended anyone, I'm truly very sorry.

Blogging is a way of getting my feelings out and also a way of sharing my faith.  If it weren't for my faith in God, I would not have survived the past 4 years. It's only been very recent, that I've actually accepted what has happened to me and now I have to figure out how to live with it without being bitter. You see I have no memory of t he accident itself. I have spent the past 4  years just trying to get from 1 day to the next. I don't want pity from anyone...that is the very last thing I'd ever want. I don't want criticizm either...that's negative and I can't deal with negativity.  I need positive friends who can encourage me in my faith and activities.

Change...I don't like it, but life happens and with it comes change.

God's blessings to you.


 PS. Indy had a tummy ache yesterday. I thought he was eating grass...turned out he was eating peanuts and peanut shells that the squirrels were leaving in the yard!!!! They left their peanuts in place of taking the bird food. At the moment Indy is sleeping at my feet and must be dreaming...he's growling at something!! Indy has made me laugh so much since he's been with me! Now if we can do something about housebreaking! Talk about change!!!!!!!!

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Comment by Marilyn L. on April 4, 2012 at 1:51pm

Hi!  I saw your blog here this morning and read it with some interest. Then this pm I saw some older blogs by you and now better understand everything that you have been thru. What I read was when you had the "meltdown" at the mall in Ariz.  I can completely understand how you felt. No, I have not gone thru the trauma that you have, but I have suffered anxiety attacks that have been quite debilitating. I am so thankful to be almost completely free of the attacks. Only occasionally does one come upon me and I usually can talk myself out of it. Love of family and friends, and the Grace of God has given me the peace and mindset to let go of my fears.

Yes, change can be good and it can be bad. You have rolled with the punches and faced the new day. And all those other platitudes! I am definately not the meek, quiet, scared woman that I was 20 yrs ago.  Thank God I"m not!!  I love my life now.

All the best to you!  Love your quilt photos, and such a cute guy is Indy!

Comment by Irene Gallway on April 4, 2012 at 9:08am

I agree that change comes, whether we are ready for it or not.  I believe that some of those changes and trials are meant to see how we handle them as Christians.  I fail miserablely at times and other times I embrace them and learn from them.  It sounds like you are starting to recognize some things about yourself, and that is good.  Now you can accept them or change them.  I think little Indy is going to help you through some of your rough spots.  Don't look back, embrace the future, and live for today. You can do it kiddo. 

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