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I am done with this year. moving on to 2016.2

I know that doesn't make any sense but I have not had a good 2016.  I just checked and my last post was a month ago when I promised to work on my quilt during my next vacation. 

Well that was last month.  Mom was in the hospital back in April.  I could tell she just wasn't recovering or eating much.  Brother and Sister started pitching in a bit more, not much but a bit. 

So I had my birthday on May 18th.  Mom and I went to dinner as usual.  On the 19th I took her and her van to get it inspected so she could get the license tabs for the year on it. May 20th, a Friday and my day off, brother calls, moms not well.  On my way over to the house, sister who was at the house with my brother and mom calls to tell me the same thing. 

I get there and I call the paramedics.  It took some convincing on their part to get her to go to the hospital. They get her into my car and off we go.  8 hours of sitting in the ER a nurse finally mentions that its a stent that she had that had closed off and that she needed to be transferred to another hospital for surgery. I leave her there in their hands until the transfer.

At this point I called my boss to take the week off to help take care of mom after the surgery.  When she gets to the next hospital I get the call that she had arrived at 9pm that evening.  Off I go to the next hospital.  I do not get to see the admitting doctor but I did get to talk to him on the phone. 

The news was not good. She was probably down to 75 lbs. and the doctor said very malnourished. I agreed with him.  All of us had been trying to get her to eat and she just wouldn't.  The next day I went to visit to see if there was anything that could be done. One doctor that would be doing the surgery was somewhat hopeful and they transferred her to the ICU unit. In a matter of hours she showed signs of decline.  With brothers and sister in tow, we met with the doctors and decided not to push the surgery that the doctors were sure now that she wouldn't survive.  All we could do was make her comfortable and pain free. They said that she only had a day or two.

You know the hardest thing to do is walk back into her room and tell her there was nothing else they could do for her.  My brothers and sister left the hospital shortly after. I stayed and tried again to get her to eat something whatever she wanted and she just wouldn't.  At this point I knew she wasn't really there all the time as she kept kicking her legs and moving her head from side to side. They had already started the pain meds and I just sat with her for another hour.  She would open her eyes and ask me if she was dying.  I couldn't lie to her and choked on the truthful answer and then she would just kind of fade out.  After the third time of answering her question, I had to leave.  The hospital had my number and I no sooner got home than the phone rang.  I got my brother and headed back to the hospital and called my sister and other brother on the way.  She had passed away minutes before we got there.

Being the only one of the four of us with a somewhat sound mind I went out to talk to the attending nurse. Stupid question but I had to know that she wasn't alone, and she wasn't. The nurse had stayed with her as well as the admitting doctor. I asked the time and cause and the nurse took the information for her transfer to the funeral home to be with my dad who passed away in 2010.

My DD had been to the hospital that morning and brought baby Lucas for great grandma to see and I'm glad she had gone to the hospital.  Aiden has asked about his great granny and DD still has a hard time explaining that she is in heaven with great grandpa.

I do apologize for all this but my dysfunctional family has no clue as they did not answer moms questions or stay longer in the hospital with her. I got up the next day to go over to the house to take care of moms dogs only to find everyone there going through everything at 7am. I didn't even bother to tell them about what happened after they left, they didn't care.

So no longer having a sound mind, everyday is a challenge dealing with family. Moms house is empty, her dogs at her request were put to sleep and I deal with work, my house and cleaning out and fixing up  moms house to get it ready to sell.

When with I get back to work on my quilt?  I have no clue.  It is pinned to the wall and what is finished, still looks good to me.

This is DD from 2013 with my mom and the last picture that I know of that shows her healthy and happy.

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Comment by Sandra Paananen on June 15, 2016 at 3:30pm

So sorry to hear of your loss.  It's therapeutic to write it down, get it out and don't hold it back.  This is part of grieving and one day soon you'll move on to happier days.  It's amazing to me when people share their stories about siblings coming out of the woodwork trying to score as much as they can.  They may never move on to happier days.   My sister did the same thing when my Dad died 21 years ago.  She is not the better for it, I can tell you.   

Comment by Kathy/WA on June 13, 2016 at 6:43pm

thank you all for your condolences and the shoulder to cry on so to speak.  I will get through this and find my happy place in a quilt in the near future.

Comment by Carol Ann Hinton on June 13, 2016 at 4:31pm

Kathy, you will always know you did your best for your mother.  The discovery of your family members looting mom's possessions must have seemed like the last straw in a very difficult situation.  Take the high road; you will never regret it.  My condolences.

Comment by Joan on June 12, 2016 at 8:49am

Sincere condolences, Kathy.  You did things right for her and will always have that to remember.  Sad that families so often break apart after their parents pass away.  Give yourself room to suffer the grief and time to heal.  You've not only lost your mom but your trust in family too, its very tough going.  I know.  I did eventually get back with my brother, but only him.  Anyway, that's over ten years ago.  Life does go on.  And the good memories stay with you. 

Comment by Terry F on June 11, 2016 at 8:06pm

So terribly sorry for all that you've been and are going through Kathy.  Losing your mom is tough and supporting her alone must make it worse.

Comment by Jodi Cramer on June 11, 2016 at 7:59pm

My condolences to you, Kathy.

Comment by Barb/WI on June 11, 2016 at 6:13pm

Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss.  I am also sorry things had to be so difficult with your family, but you were there for your mom, and she knew that.  Wonderful picture of your DD and sweet mom.  No doubt you will cherish it. 

Comment by Janet/MO on June 11, 2016 at 4:18pm

My condolences Kathy.  Your mother passed away knowing which one of her kids was there to take care of her & hopefully that will bring you some comfort.  As for the rest, they should all be ashamed, but they probably won't be. 

Comment by Janie Scoggin on June 11, 2016 at 3:51pm

I am sorry for your loss.  I lost my mom 4 years ago in a similar fashion.  It was three months before I started quilting again and I started by using her fabric.  I made each of my family a quilt out of her fabrics for Christmas that year.  It helped me work through the grief.

Comment by Sharon Reeves on June 11, 2016 at 10:04am

So sorry for your loss and having to deal with everything they way you did. You won't have any regrets for all the time you spent with your mom and she counted on you, her ROCK. Your quilting will always be there when you are ready to start in again. My sympathies are with you and your family. The memories you have will sustain you through the hard times.

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