Really? Right Here? Right Now?

* I have missed my friends at Connecting Threads-so I'll try to get caught up again! Here's another blog from my  www.TheDanglingThread.blogspot.com  site. For you Roseville fans--good news! We're moving along~ I will be pitching my first novel to agents in a couple of months! --Rhonda

Ok, so truth be told I had another idea for a blog today. However, while telling this tale to my husband he insisted that I share it with my fans on the Internet. It's going to be a bit tricky not mentioning the name of the store where this all took place last weekend. I am still waiting for the funds from the Roseville entities to roll in, so I have to be careful not to get sued while I am still an unemployed writer, but here goes...all right, it's the store at the mall where someone claims to have a "secret" but upon entering you quickly realize there won't be too many "secrets" left after purchasing some of the selections on their shelves.

Now that's settled, here we go. So, this adventure took place before the purchase of the Christmas cards-on our 28th wedding anniversary trip to Milwaukee last weekend. I know you must wonder why it is all of these things happen to me? I'm Rhonda. It's inevitable.

So, there I was browsing around the store, when a salesgirl asked if she could help me. "Nope. Just browsing" I said as my eyes became locked in on an undergarment display with a big $15.99 price sign hanging over the top overfilled with all kinds of lace goodies--MY SIZE!

She of course knew I was an easy sell. "How long has it been since you've been professionally measured here?" She asked this straight-faced. Seriously?

"Uh, I have lost over 200 pds over the last few years. I have been "measured" quite a few times." I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Boy, I was really hoping she had something more important to do than to wait on me. Listen, at 48-I feel a little out of place in there, but hey-I am trying to complete a bucket list--and buying some articles in there is on The List!

"Well, we insist that we measure you for our garments. All stores are different and it is our opinion that employees in other big name stores are not as thoroughly trained as our girls are here. We go through rigorous training and many hours of class time to work back in the fitting room. Hey, you know what? I'll just call a gal to come out on the floor. She can measure you right here! " She was very serious about this measurement business and boy, just a little too excited about it for me. She was wearing one of those headphone deals and summoned a "professional fitter" before I could run. I knew this was a blog waiting to happen.

In a second, there SHE was! THE PROFESSIONAL FIT SPECIALIST, standing in front of me. Of course, she was a 12 on the Perfect Woman Scale. Forget 10-she passed that a million years ago. She was a tall 6 ft blonde, perfect hair, perfectly pressed clothes, perfect teeth, perfect nails, perfect stiletto heels and perfect perfume-which I bet she got with her employee discount, no doubt. Around her neck she wore a perfect pink and white measuring tape. Oh God...she was intent on doing this thing.

"I can measure you right here, if you'd like" the specialist said she whooped the tape measure over her head and the my salesgirl took her lead. They both reached out for my shopping bags and unloaded me from all my belongings and placed them on the floor in front of me. "Now, I'll need to just put this around you to get your number..." said the specialist as she flashed her too pearly whites and motioned for me to raise my arms so she could get the tape properly placed.

"Uh...wait. Really?" Yep, can we say AWKWARD? Where was Dave when I needed him? Out in the Food Court reading his stupid magazine! Doggone it!

I really wanted to buy a couple of those articles on that display. The regular price was over $50 each--and to get them for only $15.99? Uh...uh...OK! So, there I was...getting measured. In broad daylight...in a very, very overcrowded store...and feeling a bit...um...self-conscious about the whole ordeal...but I did what I was told and raised my arms.

Now, I have failed to mention that during this whole conversation there were two men with their female companions browsing the exact sales display I spoke of earlier. The  second the salesgirl started flapping her jaws about the training involved in the working in the fitting room, the men's heads shot up and looked right at me. Bless their hearts...it was all they could do not to turn and watch this whole thing unfold before them...let's just say, I knew what they were thinking..."I wonder where I can sign up for that job?" (How do I know? That's what Dave said!)

Ok, now give me a break! Have some class will you? There's a girl getting her chest measured here!

Well, you'll be happy to know that I am a very satisfied customer, because of buying the right size garments no doubt. Yes, plural, as in more than one. I want to be sure that after all of that--um... gawking and drama...that I wasn't going to have to go back in there for a re-do.

Although, I must say it was worth it...they are well trained, just as the salesgirl said. I haven't been this well...um...fitted... in a very long time!

So, happy shopping! If you see my friend Victoria--tell her thanks! I'll be back-although probably not to the Milwaukee store. I'll stick to Madison--thanks.

Rhonda