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I know how corny I sound.

 

I can hear myself.


But, everything seems to be coming together.  Like my life was a box holding metal puzzle pieces that I had turned upside down and now, somehow, I’ve managed to find a magnet just strong enough to be slowly pulling the pieces together in a strange orderly fashion.

 

One foot in front of the other instead of one drink after the next.


My life isn’t perfect.

I am still much more comfortable in chaos. But happy? Im getting there.

 

In AA, I have heard that the point is to, through staying sober, working the steps and helping other alcoholics, build a life that you would be unwilling to give up for drugs and alcohol. Goals are nice, don’t misunderstand, but I had one question:

 

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?"


When looking at my life through sober eyes just provides a front row center crystal clear view of the mountain of humiliation, pain and wreckage created, where do I go from here?

 

My shrink responded with something to the effect of, “In early sobriety, when it seems like you are in a room full of horse shit, the only thing that will carry you through is a nearly blind child-like faith: Knowing that if you dig through it, there’s a pony in there somewhere.

 

That’s easier said than done sometimes, but I dig the analogy- and my shrink. :) And honestly, I have had a lot to be grateful for lately. Friday, April fifteenth I celebrated thirty days clean and sober and tomorrow, Monday the eighteenth is Brandon’s (natal not AA) birthday.

 

I plan on finishing my quilting on Kaitlin’s quilt today and also had the good fortune of finding these beautiful fabrics on Etsy in NauvooQuiltCo’s Shop:

 

Flower Sugar, Small Florals, by Lecien Fabrics (imported from Japan)

 

Flower Sugar, Dots, by Lecien Fabics (imported from Japan)

 

So, in spite of not being able to keep my eye on the prize, for lack of sight (see: maturity/experience/etc.) cheers to everyone else who is digging in to whatever they have piled up in “their room” and is determined to find the joy and happiness in their life. I know it is there.

 

Here’s to getting my hands dirty and washing my conscience clean.


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Comment by Terry F on April 19, 2011 at 8:37pm
I have fabric envy.  Those are great!  I'm so happy for your 30 day mark, and Happy Birthday to Brandon!
Comment by Carol Vickers/OH on April 19, 2011 at 5:53pm
You are welcome!  I have to beg forgiveness from my professor son-in-law (who has a REAL PhD) but the Projects half Done is as close as I'll ever come. 
Comment by Ashley Jackson on April 18, 2011 at 5:36pm
Omg Carol, I absolutely LOVE the PHD saying. I think I immediately added it to my vernacular and am anxiously waiting to use it. Thank you for all the compliments and informing me of such a great acronym!
Comment by Carol Vickers/OH on April 18, 2011 at 4:13pm
Well - I'm proud of you!  For the 30 days of sobriety AWESOME!  For choosing those neat fabrics - SO PRETTY!  And for doing one project at a time -- UNBELIEVABLE.  Don't think there is another quilter on this whole website who has achieved that.  I have bunches of projects started.  A while back we all decided that when people asked what we've been dong - we'd say "I have been busy working on my PhD"  (Projects half Done).  Doesn't that sound important?  The very best to you in all areas!!!
Comment by Ashley Jackson on April 18, 2011 at 12:04pm
Thank you so much for the compliments on my fabric and the support in my sobriety. Honestly, I was showing my fiancé this site and he said, "These are the sweetest people on earth!" and I agree! Today we get to celebrate his birthday sober, which is such a gift along with meeting so many amazing fellow quilters on this site!
My Mom, when I was little, was constantly saying, "finish one project before you start another". When I find really cute fabrics it is so hard to keep my mind on the present project and not drift off into the possibilities of the next one. However, I am starting my binding today on Kaitlin's quilt, I just finished the quilting, so wish me luck! (I'm gonna need it!)
Comment by Barb/WI on April 18, 2011 at 11:19am
Wow!  Gorgeous fabrics!  Show us, please, what you create!  I think I love your shrink.  Nothing like raw honesty.  Hang on, you're doing great.
Comment by Madeline Cornwell/ S. Ga. on April 18, 2011 at 10:17am
One day at a time!! Enjoy your present, a gift! The past is gone, the future isn't here yet, all we have is the Present, the gift of today!! Enjoy using those beautiful fabrics, so bright and cheery!!
Comment by DuAnn Webb on April 18, 2011 at 8:48am
New here. Love seeing how kind and supportive you gals are.  Recently retired and I am enjoying doing what I want to do for a change. Just started quilting this winter. Lots to learn and I think I have come to the right place. God bless you all...
Comment by Irene Gallway on April 18, 2011 at 7:29am

Congratulations on your 30 day mark. An old drunk once said, "I have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow and I'm Pi**ing all over today. So don't look back, tomorrow isn't here yet so focus on today. I love that yummy fabric you bought. Can't wait to see what you do with it.

 

Comment by B J Elder/WA on April 18, 2011 at 7:21am
Congratulations!  30 days is terrific!!!!!  You are getting there a day (and sometimes an hour) at a time.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fabrics you got. What a cheerful quilt they are going to make!

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