Perhaps, considering the amount of drugs and alcohol I have been saturated in, the title of my post should be “Sweet! Memories scattered amongst tempestuous times!” reflecting my happiness to remember anything at all.
When I was drinking and using I always liked to consider myself, as sick as it sounds, in the process of preserving my body with all that I consumed. Kind of like the fifth member of Mötley Crüe. “Trashley Jackson” shredding the keyboards. . (Have you seen Tommy Lee? I was convinced the fountain of youth spewed Jameson.)
As far as Kaitlin’s quilt goes, one direction of the quilting is done and as much feedback I have gotten here, through email and my page on Quilt With Us I knew that the polyester batting was going to be a bit of a challenge to work with. It is bunching a bit in spite of the massive amount of fabric adhesive I used, but I don’t mind the pillowing effect too much. Maybe it will add to the comfort of the quilt? Or I will call it a pillow quilt???
Getting ready to go out and get my coffee (see: four shots of espresso over ice) I noticed that I was noticing things.
I realize how strange this sounds.
What I mean is, I am catching details that would otherwise be overlooked in the blur of intoxication. And they are eye catching for a reason.
They are beautiful.
These hang on my bathroom wall. The top collage is a collection of notes written to me by Brandon. He would leave these messages for me on my bed side or stuck to the mirror above the fireplace in the room that I rented in The Castro. During these times, I was using so heavily that finding Brandon’s notes was all that got me through my day.
The bottom picture is a portrait drawn of me by Brandon. Unaware at the time, he explained to me later that the picture of my heart has barbs around it signifying how guarded and emotionally unavailable I was at the time. A pretty good interpretation considering it was something seen through the bottom of a bottle.
This is a work in progress. I’ll probably remove the picture on the bottom right, but it doesn’t hurt to serve as a reminder of just how miserable I was when under the influence.
The photo booth pictures are somewhat of a tradition with Brandon and I. Whenever, wherever there is one, we try to seize the opportunity to snap a memory. Inside of the photo booth seemed almost like a little escape from the chaos of our lives at the time.
The ice rink photo booth pictures were taken on my birthday, December eighth of last year. I had watched them build out the rink in Union Square and as it rained, we put on our skates and had the entire rink to ourselves under the sparkling lights of the enormous Christmas tree and the stars. It is one of my best memories. Ever.