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ok I need to fold and put away my clothes, I need to do the dishes, I need to get off this couch and complete my farm curtains, and I need to get dressed - BUT today I want to sit on this couch and stay here and never get up - ok so if I do the Dave Ramsey way - the need and want - I better get up and get going, right?

 

Things are BAD between my husband and I... but he came hoe with a replacement chair that he broke for me then turns around and says..... for years you have been saying I busted your chair so here is a replacement..... like I lied about him breaking it.... he turned a nice jestor into a crappy one - what a jerk! PS he did bust my chair and promised to replace it... years later tho but it's done! Is it going to take him that long to say I'm sorry my parents treat you like poo and I undermine you with the kids - I don't waste my breath on that ever happening - O well

 

I have some items on Law away for my Grace frame to get updated, so excited about that - a Stitch Regulator! and a Juki so I don't have to take my machine off on on the frame.... not to mention! bobbin winder and Grace Leader Clothes, and a lot more that I can not even remember it all and I only have two more months to pay !

 

Wahooooo the thunder is getting louder and I better get - Have a good one!

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Comment by Cheryl / NC on July 5, 2011 at 5:57am
Reg, I'm so sorry you're hurting.  I'm chiming in here a bit late but I've also been through the wars with my husband and I agree with the other girls.  Like Vic said, the bitterness and hurt can snag you and weave itself around you until it seems like there is no way out.  Don't let it kill the good things! Hang onto them with everything you have!  You can turn it around! The first 15 years of our marriage were not happy ones, we finally BOTH decided we needed to fix it.  It took a long time and a lot of work breaking hurtful patterns, but now, going on 29 years, we are content and happy, best friends who enjoy our marriage and our time together. Don't give up.  I know it's not easy to break old habits.  The first thing you have to ask yourself is if you're willing to work to get it back.  I can honestly tell you that it was the best decision I ever made. We learned to accept that we are different, we learned how to respect each other again, and most of all, we learned how to love each other again. Not just the mad passion of youth, but the soul deep solidly burning flame of true friendship and pure love that only comes from a long shared history of getting through life together. The work was worth it.  We would have missed so much joy if we had given up and walked away!  I hope it helps to know that others have been through it too and have come out the other side with happy marriages.  We're here for you! My prayers are with you. God be with you both.
Comment by Its Vic! on July 1, 2011 at 7:40pm

Your post sounds like you are hurt deep down.  Not to say this applies to you but it just comes to my mind that these things - bitterness, anger, resentment, unforgiveness are like a vine that wraps and weaves its way around in our little hearts so badly that its next to impossible to unravel and unloose, continuing  to grow and grow until it is all uncontrollable!  Starts choking out all good things trying to grow where they used to find nurture.  Makes us miserable!  Makes one wonder- how did I ever let this go so long....get so bad....how do I begin to try to manage this mess now?  Is it even worth it? Yes, it is my heart!  It sounds like there are many ways to approach problems all right.  I hope you find the way that helps you keep your most  precious relatioships - family.  May The G-D of all comfort lead you and give you peace. 

Comment by Billie Blakeney on July 1, 2011 at 11:16am
Amen - "Prairie Quilter"
Comment by Jennie Steward on July 1, 2011 at 10:55am
Reg...I am sorry you are having difficult times in your marraige.  I second everything that Prairie Quilter is saying here.  Unless someone is in physical danger I would do all I could to salvage what you once had.  I will be praying for you.
Comment by Prairie Quilter Jan/NE on July 1, 2011 at 10:49am

Reg, I'm sorry things are not great in your marriage right now, but please, please don't give up on it.  There is nothing more important than guarding your heart and your marriage.  I can feel your disappointment and your hurt, but I firmly believe that our men WANT to be our heroes.  They want to be our knights in shining armor.  If we can learn to bring out the best in them by giving them our respect and encouragement, I believe they will respond by giving us the love and attention we desire.  One book that really helped me was "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs.  Another I'd recomment is "Have a New Husband by Friday" by Kevin Leman or "Fireproof".  Books might not solve all your problems, but in my case they helped me understand my husband better and pointed out some behavior traits in me that I didn't realize was contributing to the problems in our marriage.  I wish I'd read them early on in our marriage, because I sure could have saved myself and my husband some headaches and hard feelings!  I would encourage you to revisit the way you felt when you first fell in love with him.  Look back and remember the fun times, special moments and good memories - then try to remember what you did together that you both enjoyed.  Since we have no control over their behavior, all we have control over is our own.  How do I respond to hurtful comments?  How can I show him honor and respect in my actions, speech, and behavior?  One thing I tried to do was brag on my husband to other women or other people, both in front of my husband and even when he wasn't around.  It changed my heart to find something positive to say even when I really wasn't feeling good about our relationship.  I found that if I engaged in husband-bashing, my feelings spiraled downward and I became more and more dissatisfied.  Doing the opposite brought about positive results.  It sounds like this is a rough patch for you and my heart breaks.  It may take some time and hard work, but I believe lifelong marriages are the biggest blessing we can have.  The alternative is just too painful, not only for us, but for those around us. 

I hope I haven't in any way caused you more pain or added to your burden.  I only hope to encourage your heart. 

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