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It was hard enough learning of my dad's passing and then learning that my brother and I were the last to know. I was told by my cousin, calling from my sister's home where my dad had passed, that there would NOT be a funeral, memorial or celebration of his life as he did not want that and wanted to be cremated. We could live with that. Then I learned from a cousin in Michigan on Thursday that there was going to be a celebration of my dad's life at my sister's on Saturday (yesterday). I phoned my brother to make sure he knew so he could be there. There just was no way I could make it as I am not allowed to fly due to still having a double fusion and the doc doesn't want the neck snapped as could happen with takeoff/landing. My brother went and when I spoke with him this evening, he told me that my son and daughter were there. I found that exceedingly interesting since NO ONE bothered to tell me!

To say that I am hurt, is an understatement. If I had known earlier in the week, I could have driven there. Would have had to stay in a hotel as I am not welcomed in my sister's home and no longer have a desire to stay with an Aunt who I had stayed with before. She would always call me and let me know when my dad was in the hospital, although not always in a timely manner. She has been strangely silent with me and my brother; while all the rest of the family - cousins, aunts, friends of the family, etc., were notified. What hurts even more is that my children did not mention this service to me. Perhaps they thought I knew. Oh well, I can't change what has happened, nor can I change my sister or the rest of the family's attitude towards me. Thankfully, my brother still wishes to keep contact and even he can't believe how they are behaving. Time's like this should bring families together not thrust them apart.

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Comment by LKC on June 12, 2014 at 8:17pm

I am so sorry you have lost your father and was not able to be part of the celebration of life. Family can be a big fight. We are planning a celebration of life for my husband's brother. His brother was not really a very nice person. My husband's sister is making all the plans, but it may turn into the same problems you faced. We thought about planning this all in May and using a extra Time share week, only his sister thought she was going to stay with us at the time share. My Husband really got upset. So I feel your family issues and especially being your father. Once again I am sorry for your lost.

Comment by Sharon on June 10, 2014 at 8:17pm

Teri, again my condolences about your Dad. Think of the good times you shared with your Dad, and know that your memories will keep close to you

I think that  your husband is right in forgoing the letter to your Aunt, it wouldn't really make you feel better and would most likely  not change your Aunt or sisters behavior towards you. try and let it go- I know it's hard but when you are dwelling on this - remember -Don't give them the power of making you feel miserable, change it  into a good memory of your Dad. Time will help the pain.

Comment by Shannon, ON on June 10, 2014 at 2:21pm

I have given up trying to figure people out. When I was sick last year my oldest friend vanished. I  have not heard from her since tho I know she is ok. as to family-ha. what they did to you  was terrible. forgive them and realize that they are the ones with the problem. value those who value you. grieving is hard enough without family drama. gain solace from the fact that your dad knows what happened and that it had nothing to do with you. 

Comment by Terri D. on June 9, 2014 at 7:29pm

Thanks to everyone for your comments and condolences. I spoke with both of my kids and told them that I was curious how they knew about the celebration of life for their grandfather. My daughter told me that my sister had called her and she called her brother, they both assumed that I had been notified. I told them I had not and if it had not been for a cousin in Michigan calling me, I would not have known about it at all and that I was able to reach my brother in time for him to go.

I was contemplating sending a letter to my Aunt and her daughter, who always contacted me before to tell me what "I" needed to be doing and lectures about family loyalty, etc. but I think I have to agree with my husband and just let it go. Let them stew and wonder "if" or "when" I will be contacting them. Except for my brother and my children, I am going to sever all ties with that part of the family. It would do no good to contact my sister as she wants nothing to do with either my brother or myself. From what I understand, she was totally surprised when he showed up. As much as it hurts, I think letting it go, at least for now, is the best thing I can do. I'm finding myself crying far too much and its gotten to the point where I don't know whether I'm shedding tears for the loss of my father, the loss of my family or the hurt of what's been done or is it all of it. 

Once again, thank you all for your support, comforting words and letting this ol' gal vent. God Bless you all and may each and everyone of you enjoy all the very best that life has to offer.

Comment by Roxann on June 9, 2014 at 7:16pm

I am truly sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Barbara Graham on June 9, 2014 at 3:59pm

I'm so sorry. You have enough on your plate without hurt feelings. I'm going to assume your children were sure you knew. It's hard to let the hurt go but do try.

Comment by Donna Sykes on June 9, 2014 at 2:40pm

Terri, so sorry for your loss. Remember that your dad is inyour heart and will always be with you. May your memories help you through this difficult time. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by AidaCJ/NH on June 9, 2014 at 11:53am

So sorry for your loss; I feel your pain, be rest assured that your Dad is now in a better place.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Comment by Pam/NY on June 9, 2014 at 9:53am

Why do people have to be so hurtful at a time when everyone hurts. Thoughts sent your way.

Comment by B J Elder/WA on June 9, 2014 at 8:04am

Oh my dear friend, just when you think it is all done with something new crops up to fuel the fire more. I'm so glad you are above striking back. Of course it hurts, how could it not?  Lean on God, he will give your comfort and peace. Have you come up with an art quilt to make to honor your dad with? One that will bring to you good memories of him?  Think that would be healing to your heart.

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